Today has been one of those days that I find myself feeling sad. I feel sad for so many reasons it's hard to just pick that "one" that keeps getting me down. Sometimes I think it's because I am still angry. I'm still angry at everything I have been put through and for some reason, that anger just keeps picking at me. I want to move past it, I want to let go of it and there are days, sometimes even weeks that I feel I have. Then I remember what I've been put through and there it is again.
I look back on my life and while I can remember some good times, I also remember a lot of bad. The things I put up with for so long were something I don't think any normal person would have ever put up with. I hid so many things from my family and let them believe the person I was married to was this "great" person. There is this saying that I read not to long ago and it went some like "forget the people in your past, there's a reason they are in your past". That rings so true, while I do regret a lot of what I let go on in my past, your children make it impossible to regret your past.
My son is the one thing I did right in my life. Every day I look at him and think how lucky I am to have him. His smile lights up my heart and just watching his little eyes in amazement at the littlest things make me realize how precious the little things in life are. I love the fact that I am the person in my son's life who will teach him right from wrong. Who will teach him how to respect and provide for his family when that time comes.
So when I feel myself getting angry again, I remember these things. I learned that even tho the man I married chose to let go of his family and treat us like we were an inconvienience, that does not in any way make my son or I less important to one another. I've learned that as long as we have each other (my son and I) we will be ok. Life's lessons can sometimes be hard learned but they are lesson all in themselves and they are taught to us for a reason. They make us strong and make us realize even tho life at times can be hard, it can also be great.
Thanks to all my family and friends who have been there for me...it really meant a lot and will always continue to mean so much to me. I love each and every one of you:)
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Bye for now, Dad
10 years ago
1 comments:
Jenn you're blogging now too! That's so awesome. I just started about a month or so ago. My address is dewildtdelivery.blogspot.com.
Anyway, you know there may be one thing that you and everyone else has learned from your experiences. And that is that you're a very strong woman and a very loving Mom and friend. You tried hard and did your best to make things work even if it was only one sided. You should be proud of yourself and all that you have accomplished. That is very important. And you have hope. That's huge. What I mean by that is that you have the love of your family and the freedom now to not only improve your life but to pursue whatever dreams you may have right now. And you have the opportunity to find that special person who is still out there waiting to find you. Don't ever give up on that.
I really want you to know that I'm proud of you, and I know that I'm not the only one. You're not alone. Luv ya
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